Everything You Want
by funnyhowthatis
Summary: In the morning after the Bellas win the final competition, Beca and Chloe realize that they might not have gotten all that they wanted.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note: This is how I imagine the morning after the night of the final competition would go. I'm not sure if I want to continue it, so let me know what you think of this chapter and/or if you would want to read another chapter. Thanks :)**

* * *

Beca turned the faucet, her hand heavy with tiredness. As the water came down on her, she shook her head. She should be happy. It was perfect, everything was perfect. She should be happy.

It was far too early for her to be awake, but she hadn't been able to sleep. The excitement of winning the competition and the tingling feeling of Jesse on her lips had kept her from sleepiness until about 3 am. Then, in the dark of her room, the excitement and the kisses that she had always thought she wanted subsided. An emptiness filled her chest and she spent the next few hours watching the small square of light the moon left on the ceiling. She had done it, she had let people in. Right? Why did it feel off? Had she done it wrong?

Those were the thoughts that carried her to 6 in the morning, at which point she pulled herself out of bed, grabbed her shower caddy, and made her way to the showers. She needed to move, she need to quiet her thoughts.

As she began to wash herself, she sang, not thinking of why this song of all songs would come to her that morning.

_You shout it out, but I can't hear a word you say_

She washed her face and her shoulders and her neck. She scrubbed at her skin until it turned red.

_I'm talking loud not saying much, I'm criticized but all your bullets ricochet_

Her voice was quiet, naked just like her. The tiles around her bounced her voice back and forth amongst themselves, so that her small and wavering voice filled the room.

_You shoot me down, but I get up_

And another voice joined hers.

_I'm bulletproof, nothing to lose, fire away, fire away_

The other voice was thin, it was delicate, it was only a shadow of the strong voice Beca knew it could be, and yet she recognized it. How could she not?

_Ricochet, you take your aim, fire away, fire away _

Together, their voices grew stronger. Both naked, both exposed, from different shower stalls, the voices held onto each other.

_You shoot me down but I won't fall, I am titanium_

Beca continued to wash her body, still singing. Still singing and still listening to the other voice. The other voice's harmonizing made her heart flutter. It touched her further beneath her skin than anything else ever had.

_You shoot me down but I won't fall, I am titanium_

So this was what it was to be vulnerable.

_I am titanium_

There was such a sadness to the two voices, to the notes they filled the room with, as they both bared their souls to the falling water and each other.

_I am titanium_

They continued to sing. It was just them, their voices, the echoing tiles, and the water that fell steadily and filled the room with steam.

When the last _I am titanium_ rang through the room, Beca took a deep breath and turned the faucet. The water stopped and she stood there for a moment, shivering, before grabbing her towel and wrapping herself up in it.

She could still hear the other shower going. She wanted it to stop, she wanted it to stop so badly, why wouldn't it –

The water stopped abruptly and Beca imagined that she could hear the other voice breathing a few stalls down.

Beca pushed the shower curtain aside and stepped out. Another shower curtain was pulled open, and Beca smiled slightly at the sight of Chloe in her towel. She seemed so bashful, especially considering the fact that she had been so open about her body the first time they had sung together in the shower.

"I couldn't sleep," Beca offered.

"Neither could I."

Beca nodded, aware of the silence in between their words, aware of her hair dripping and the goosebumps forming on her arms.

"So.." Chloe stepped a bit closer. "You must be happy. You got everything you wanted."

"So did you."

"You didn't answer my question."

"It wasn't really a question."

Chloe met Beca's eyes, no longer bashful. Fierce. Probing. Asking. Begging.

"Are you happy, Beca?" she asked as if this were the only question that mattered.

"I – " Beca stopped herself. She owed it to Chloe to answer honestly. "It turned out that maybe everything I thought I wanted wasn't everything I wanted. Does that make sense?"

Chloe nodded. "What _do_ you want?"

Beca sighed and took in all of Chloe. Her skin, slightly red from the shower. Her hair, wet and darker than it looked in the sun. Her eyes, glistening, tired but still vibrant. Her figure, her curves, her –

Beca shook her head. "Now, looking back…I just feel like I chose the wrong…I took the wrong path."

Chloe looked slightly puzzled. She desperately wanted Beca's words to mean what she thought they meant, but she didn't allow herself to jump to this conclusion.

"What about you? Aren't you happy? I mean, with the a capella competition and everything. Didn't you get everything you wanted?"

Chloe smiled sadly. "The competition wasn't everything. Maybe it seemed like it was, but there were other…can I ask you something?"

"Fire away."

They both smiled at that, but then Chloe's face grew serious as she drew the courage to ask her question. "Do you really love Jesse?"

Beca was taken aback. "Love?"

"Yes. Love."

"I like him. I really do, Chloe. But then last night, I just – as happy as I was…I just kept wishing I was with you."

Chloe smiled. This time it wasn't sad or small. She opened her mouth to say –

The bathroom door opened and another girl walked in. Chloe closed her mouth quickly as she and Beca nodded to the girl, who mumbled "morning" as she passed by. It occurred to both of them how ridiculous it was to be having this conversation in the showers, naked and shivering and dripping wet, each clutching a towel to their bodies.

Chloe quickly grabbed her shower caddy, but as she passed Beca on her way out she stopped. "It's not too late to choose the other path, you know. It's not too late for you to have everything you want."

And then she left. The door to the shower room closed behind her and Beca exhaled deeply, unaware that her breath had caught in her throat at Chloe's last words. She listened to the other shower turn on and then she grabbed her own caddy and left.

She couldn't think about the trophy or the group hug the Bellas had shared or how Aubrey had looked at her with nothing but respect or the way Jesse had kissed her or the way she had kissed him or the way he had professed his undying love for her or the way she had just shifted uncomfortably, wondering if this was what love really was.

All she could think about was Chloe. All she could feel was the way her heart pounded when she thought of her eyes meeting Chloe's from across the room, of her voice meeting Chloe's from across the showers.


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Note: The reviews said continue, so here it is - the next chapter. I think there will be two or three more chapters to this. I just want to thank everyone who read the first chapter and gave reviews. I really appreciate it. Let me know what you think of this chapter, I love hearing your thoughts. Thanks for reading :)**

* * *

"Your phone keeps buzzing. It woke me up."

"Sorry, sorry," Beca mumbled as she dressed and hung up her towel. Kimmy Jin glared at her, then turned back around to her computer. Beca sighed and grabbed her phone.

There were several missed calls and a text. All of the calls were from Jesse. So was the text. "Jeez," she muttered under her breath. The phone vibrated in her hand – Jesse was calling. Again?

"Hello?"

"Hi – sorry is this too early?"

"No, I'm up."

After another glare from Kimmy Jin, she grabbed her bag and left. She had class soon anyways.

"So I was wondering if you wanted to do something."

"I have class."

"Not now. Later. Tonight."

"Like a date, you mean?"

"Yeah. Like a date."

As she made her way out of the dorm, she couldn't shake the image of Chloe's sparkling eyes and red hair. "Umm…wow…a date…"

"I thought it was pretty obvious after last night that we were…I mean, we're together, right?"

"This is just…this is moving kind of fast for me."

"I thought you were opening up more. I thought you were ready to –"

"I_ am_ opening up more!"

"So, date tonight?"

"Tonight's not good…I have a…thing tonight. With the Bellas. So I can't…"

"Oh, you could have said that in the first place! Later then?"

"Yeah. Of course."

Beca hung up before he could say something like _I love you_ and she would have to say something like _I love you _back. What was she doing? Why couldn't she just end this? Nip it in the bud? Why couldn't she just tell him that being with him didn't quite live up to her expectations? Well, no, she knew. It would hurt him. The last thing she wanted to do was hurt him. The last thing she wanted to do was admit that the person who really stirred her wasn't him, but Chloe.

_Later. I'll do it later. Tonight even. I'll call him tonight after – oh shit._

She had made it to her class in the time her conversation with Jesse had taken. She stopped outside the classroom and called Aubrey.

"Hey, what's up?"

"Could we have a get together sort of thing tonight with the Bellas?"

"Sure. What did you have in mind?"

"I guess a celebration of sorts."

"Okay…Chloe and I were thinking of ordering in pizza and watching a movie tonight. I can invite the rest of the girls. That's not exactly like a celebration, but we can –"

"No, it's perfect. Thanks."

"Beca, what's this about? You don't even like movies."

"Nothing. Is it wrong to want to see my aca-sisters?" She cringed at what she was saying, but she figured it would work on Aubrey. "Anyway, I have to go now. I have class. See you tonight. Thanks, again." She hung up before Aubrey could say something like _No really, Beca, what is this about _and she would have to say something like _All of a sudden I have a boyfriend and I didn't think this through and I need to not go on a date tonight_.

* * *

That night, Beca could hear laughter coming from inside Aubrey and Chloe's dorm room from down the hallway. She knocked and Amy opened the door. "Well, if it isn't Beca! We thought we were going to have to start the party without you. Get in here and grab a slice!" Amy pulled Beca by her arm into the room.

Beca looked around. Most of the Bellas were already there, sitting on the floor and on the beds. Her eyes immediately found Chloe's. Chloe was sitting on her bed, a paper plate with a half-eaten slice of pizza on her lap. She didn't smile, she just looked at Beca expectedly. Like she was waiting for something. As if she were looking for something.

Beca took a slice of pizza and stepped over legs to get to the open space next to Chloe. The space was smaller than she had realized. As she settled in, her chest tightened as she felt the way the sides of their legs were pressed together. When she adjusted the position of the paper plate on her lap, her arm grazed Chloe's. She could hear Chloe breathe in sharply.

There was a movie playing in the background, but nobody was paying attention. Aubrey presented the group with a bottle of wine, to the call of "So high class!" from Amy and the whisper of "I used to drown my dolls" from Lily. Aubrey opened the bottle and raised it.

"I'd just like to thank you all for an amazing year. I know I've learned a lot from working with all of you, and I'm so glad our hard work paid off." When the cheers from the group subsided, Aubrey added, "So I don't have enough cups for –"

"No worries, just pass it here!"

After Amy took a gulp of the wine, the bottle was passed around and the conversation started up again.

After making its way around most of the group, the bottle came to Beca. There wasn't much left, so she only took a small sip. She closed her eyes as she swallowed and opened them to find Chloe watching her. Beca passed the bottle to her, and Chloe's fingers touched hers as she took the bottle. Chloe took a small sip as well and passed it to Aubrey, who finished it. Beca watched her, perhaps a bit too closely, and when Chloe turned back, their faces were so close and the denim of their jeans didn't seem like such a barrier and their arms were touching now and Chloe put her hand on her own leg but let one finger stray to Beca's leg and Beca couldn't control the shivers rushing through her body and Chloe was looking at her so intently and Beca just wanted to touch her she just wanted to touch her hair and her –

The door opened.

Trebles streamed in carrying beer and loud voices.

Chloe's eyes slipped from Beca's to the men taking their places among the women. At the sight of Jesse making his way toward them, she breathed a small "oh," and scooted off the bed. She left her plate with her half eaten pizza on her desk. She left Beca's body feeling cold. She left proclaiming to the room that was too preoccupied to hear that she had something she had to do, that there was something very important she had to do.

Before Beca could move to go after her, Jesse took Chloe's spot and threw his arm around her shoulder. There was no meeting in the middle. There was no dancing around the border between their bodies. There was just encroaching. There was just taking what he thought he now had a claim to.

Opening up was one thing. Feeling owned was another.

"I thought I'd surprise you here!"

"Who told you what our plans were?"

"Aubrey. Personally, I think she has her eyes set on one of the Trebles. I'm just not sure who, so I brought a bunch of the guys."

"Oh."

"Hey, you ok?"

Beca reminded herself to smile. "Yeah. Of course I'm ok," she said as he took a bite out of her pizza.


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's Note: Thank you everyone who has been reviewing/following/favoriting! I really appreciate it. I'd love to hear what you think of this chapter. This chapter isn't exactly happy...but I promise things will get better! Thanks for reading :)**

* * *

Beca didn't see Chloe for a few days after that. She had considered calling her, but what would she say? _I'm sorry I'm still with Jesse – _no, more like _I'm sorry I'm such a coward._ Jesse had taken her out on their first official date. They had gone to the movies. _I know you don't like movies but_ but what? Why couldn't he just accept her for who she was?

Beca walked into the campus café, the date from the previous night still fresh on her mind. They had kissed again. He had wanted to do more, but she had proclaimed that she wasn't up for it. But they had kissed. They had kissed in a way that made Beca go home and stare at her mouth in the mirror. Why had this mouth done what it had done? But no, she couldn't blame it on her mouth.

After buying a sandwich and soda, she scanned the tables, looking for an open one. She wasn't expecting to see anyone she knew, and part of her wanted to be alone. But then she saw Aubrey, who after looking in her direction waved her over. And of course right next to her was –

"Hi, Chloe," she breathed.

Chloe looked up at her, searching her eyes. "Hi, Beca," she responded quietly. It was clear she was holding back something. It almost looked like – was it possible she was hopeful?

"Hey, Aubrey," Beca forced herself to turn away from Chloe.

Aubrey smiled and gestured for her to take a seat.

Beca took a seat across from Chloe and unwrapped her sandwich. Aubrey talked enough for the three of them – which songs she still wanted the Bellas to try, which finals she was most worried about, what she was going to do with her summer, what job offers she had. Beca nodded along wither Aubrey's monologue, adding a "hmm" or a "really?" where she felt it was necessary, but she spent most of the time trying to catch Chloe's eyes.

"Beca?"

"Hmm?" Beca turned to face Aubrey's expectant eyes.

"How is he?"

"How is who?" She thought back to Aubrey's words. They blurred in her memory.

"Jesse – who else?"

"Why?"

"Gosh, Beca, it's just a question. And a pretty normal question to ask someone who's in a relationship."

Chloe had been in the middle of a sip of her Snapple. She set the bottle down a little too fiercely, and the sound that resonated in the room also resonated in Beca's heart. The glass said _how could you how could you_ and Beca felt something inside her cracking. She stole a quick glance at Chloe. Chloe was staring at her, anger reflected in the broken shards of her eyes. It is the heart that breaks, but it is the eyes that betray the break.

"I…" Beca began, still looking at Chloe.

"So? How is he?"

"He – he's fine."

Chloe stood, shaking the table slightly with the suddenness of her movement.

"I have class," she muttered, not meeting Aubrey's or Beca's eyes.

"Not for another hour," Aubrey said, looking more concerned than confused.

Chloe looked up. "I have – I have _things_ to do, is that so wrong?" With that she turned and left, throwing her trash in the trash can with more force than was necessary.

Beca stood to go after her, but Aubrey grabbed her wrist.

"What?"

"Don't…you're not going to make it better. You should give her some space."

"What do you know?"

"I'm her best friend, Beca. She won't talk to me about what's going on between you, but whatever it is, you need to give her some space.

"But I –"

"No. It's not a good idea. Talk to her later. After rehearsal."

Beca sighed and sat back down. She looked at her sandwich and shook her head.

"I'm not hungry. See you later."

With that she wrapped her sandwich back up for later and left.

* * *

Although a capella was technically over for the year, everyone in the group had agreed that they wanted to keep meeting to work on new arrangements. Beca began as the one in charge of orchestrating the mash ups, but she stepped down so that anyone else who wanted to could have a turn dictating the songs they used and the way they would blend together. The others quickly realized that it was not an easy job, and by the end of rehearsal everyone was laughing after a series of messing up songs and messing up each other.

Beca had been keeping an eye on Chloe during rehearsal. She saw how every laugh of the group elicited only a small smile from Chloe. She watched how Chloe stayed towards the back and never spoke up while everyone else, even Lily, voiced their opinions loudly (well, Lily voiced her opinions quietly) and took their turns trying to build a successful mash up on the spot. She saw Chloe get her bag while everyone else was still doubled over, laughing at the disastrous attempt Stacie had made at combining Ke$ha and the Beatles. Beca caught up to her quickly before she could leave.

"Chloe, wait!"

"What?"

"Can we talk?"

"I don't really –"

"Please, Chloe. Please."

"Fine." She grabbed Beca's hand and pulled her into one of the side rooms, away from the laughing. "What is it? What do you want to say?" she snapped, not letting go of Beca's hand.

Beca stared at their hands until Chloe realized why Beca wasn't responding. She quickly pulled her hand away. "So? What?"

Beca looked up at Chloe. She had never seen her so _angry_ before. "I just – why are you acting like this?"

"Like what? Like you told me you would rather be with me and then kept seeing someone else?"

"Chloe, I didn't –"

"What you said in the showers – why would you say those things to me? You could have just told me that you were happy with Jesse and that would have been the end of it. Why would you lead me on like that?" Chloe was close to shaking now, close to yelling now.

"I meant what I said, Chloe. I wasn't leading you –"

"I want to be with you. I want to be with you so badly, Beca. That's what I meant with what I said that morning. What exactly did _you_ mean? Because obviously I didn't understand you correctly."

"I meant that…I don't feel what I should for Jesse. I mean, I like him, he's a great guy, but I don't love him. I don't feel like I'm in love with him, or like I ever will be. The more time I spend with him as his…girlfriend…I don't know, it just feels wrong. And you…" she faltered, afraid to continue.

"And I what?"

Beca took a deep breath. "There's always been something more between us, right? I've always felt so happy just to be around you. I always feel comfortable around you, even if you did things that I wouldn't normally feel comfortable with. I feel like you see me for exactly who and what I am, and you accept me. You don't try to change me, you respect me. And lately…I can't stop thinking about you. I can't believe I'm saying this, but Chloe, I can barely think clearly when I'm near you. You – I want to be with you too."

"Really?" She sounded skeptical.

"Really."

Chloe took a breath. In a low voice she continued. "Then what are you doing with Jesse?" It was more of an accusation than a question.

"It's just hard. It's not easy to tell someone that you made a mistake like that."

"Not easy? Was it easy to come to college? Was it easy to audition for the Bellas? Was it easy to make new friends? Was it easy to sing in the showers with me that first time? Do you think this is easy for me? Right now? Do you think it's easy for me to lay my heart on the line for someone who broke it? No. It's not easy. Worthwhile things are never easy."

Beca could feel her own heart beating painfully hard in her chest. She hated seeing Chloe this upset, and all she wanted to do was reach out and comfort her, but her tongue tripped over her fear and she stammered, "I – I just don't want to hurt him."

Chloe's face crumbled. "But you're okay with hurting _me_."

"No. No, Chloe! That's not it!"

"Save it for your boyfriend, Beca."

Beca reached out to stop Chloe from leaving, but Chloe shook her off.

Beca watched her leave. Again. It seemed like lately all Chloe ever did was leave. It seemed like all Beca ever did was watch her leave.

* * *

Beca couldn't sleep that night. She closed her eyes tightly and wrapped her arms around herself. She wished her bed would let her sink into the mattress and stay there, safe in its warm embrace. Then she wouldn't have to worry about this. She wouldn't have to worry about letting people in if she was hidden away from the world.

Then she realized something. The arms she imagined embracing her were not the arms of the mattress. They were Chloe's arms. When she wanted to be hidden away from the world, she wanted to be right next to Chloe. She didn't want to sink into the mattress. She wanted to sink into Chloe. She wanted Chloe to be around her, she wanted Chloe to encircle her.

This was too painful a thought, as she couldn't shake the image of Chloe leaving and leaving and leaving from her mind.

Beca sat up and grabbed her phone. She sent a text to Jesse and then lay back down. She tried to relax, and eventually, she slipped into a restless sleep in which she was trapped in a room with an infinite number of doors, and Chloe exited through each and every one of them.

_hey jesse. we need to talk. meet you at the station around noon._


	4. Chapter 4

**Author's Note: Thanks for all of your reviews and favorites and follows! They mean a lot to me. Here's the next chapter. Still angsty, but it will be resolved soon. I'd love to know what you think. Thanks for reading :)**

* * *

_Keep your headphones on, it'll look more casual. No, that's rude. But it's how I usually am, so if I don't have them, it'll make him think something's wrong. But something is wrong. I'll just say I left them at the dorm – no, he'd never believe that. I'll just have them around my neck. Okay. That looks right. Maybe I should stand –_

Beca ran her fingers through her hair _what am I doing_ and looked at her faint reflection in the mirror. Jesse had just texted to say that he was on his way. She had spent the previous night repeating what she would say over and over until she had fallen asleep, but now she fumbled with the words in her shaky hands. Who was she kidding, she couldn't do this.

It wasn't too late to run. It wasn't too late to leave and pretend that whatever she had needed to talk to him about wasn't important. She could just say –

"Hey, Beca, what's up?"

She jumped and turned around to see Jesse coming through the door of the station. In her startled movement, her carefully rehearsed words fell to the ground and shattered, and she didn't have the humility to sink to the ground and gather them.

"It's nothing, it's fine."

"Beca, I know you. Something's up."

He looked at her with worried eyes. As he moved closer toward her, she found herself taking step after step away from him, until she was backed up against a stack of old records. He was now leaning slightly over her, and she couldn't believe how small she felt.

"Tell me, Beca. What is it?"

She took in a deep breath _I can't believe I'm about to _and said, "I don't want this."

"What do you mean?"

"Us."

"Beca we're the perfect couple. Aca-perfect! You – you opened up to me, you finally opened up to me. Beca, what are you talking about?"

"I don't want to be with you." This was coming out all wrong. She had planned on saying that she wasn't ready to be in a relationship, any relationship. She hadn't planned on telling the truth.

"With me? So is there someone else? Who is he? Tell me! One of the other trebles? Who?"

"Jesse, it's not –"

"Who is it? Did he try something? Have you slept with him? How long has this been going on? Go on, tell me! How far have you gone with –"

"I haven't done anything! Why do you think there's someone else?"

"Okay. So there isn't anyone else. Look me in the eye and tell me there isn't anyone else."

She met his eyes. She felt anger welling up inside of her – how dare he attack her like this.

"I'm waiting."

"Jesse, it's not like –"

"Jesus, Beca, how could you? How could you cheat on me? After everything I did for you?"

"Everything you did for me? What did you do for me? Follow me around until I couldn't say no anymore? Is that what you did for me?"

"Is that what our relationship means to you?"

"No, Jesse –"

"Just tell me who it is. Do me that courtesy."

"I'm not cheating on you!"

"Bullshit! Who is he?"

"I'm not –"

"Who, Beca? I'm not dumb, I'll figure it out eventually. Just tell me who it is! Who have you been seeing behind my –"

She couldn't take this anymore. Different words came to her, words she hadn't planned on saying to him, and the anger that was building up inside of her pushed them out. She cut him off, her words louder and stronger than she had anticipated.

"I'm falling for Chloe!"

Silence came crashing down around them. With the silence came a stillness that rested on Jesse's skin as the words landed on him. Beca brought a hand to her mouth, surprised at her lips forming those words. This was more than _I want to be with you,_ this was something else entirely. She had never said this aloud before. It was too frightening a reality. And yet to hear it in the air, to say it finally, felt so…_good_.

Now more quietly, more steadily, more certainly, Beca repeated it into the silence and the stillness. "I'm falling for Chloe."

Jesse opened his mouth to say something, anything, then he closed it. He stared at Beca as if seeing her for the first time. "Chloe?" His voice was barely audible.

Beca nodded. "Chloe. Chloe Beale." She began to smile, not thinking of the young man casting a shadow over her, but of sparking blue eyes and a gentle touch. She said it again, just to hear it, just to feel it, just to taste it. "I'm falling in love with Chloe Beale."

"You can't be serious, Beca. Think about this. She's just – so what if you have a little crush? It's not like you're a – you don't like girls that way."

"How would you know that?"

"What are you saying? You all of a sudden like girls?"

"I like Chloe."

"Don't be ridiculous. What we have is real. What we have is special."

"No, Jesse. What we have is in your imagination. I'm not going to be your little fantasy anymore."

She pushed him aside.

He called after her. Things like "If you leave, this is it!" and "I swear, Beca, if you leave now – " and "Wait, Beca, I'll change, I'll be better, whatever you want, just don't leave me!" but she continued to the door. She turned before leaving and said, "This is over, Jesse. This is over."

She left, letting the door close loudly behind her, and walked out into the sun. She took a deep breath of the fresh air. She took out her phone and found Chloe's name.

_I left him. Can we talk?_

* * *

Truthfully, Beca had been expecting an answer right away. She had thought that Chloe would run to her with open arms. Instead, Beca lay in bed, alone. Completely alone.

Her phone kept lighting up. Every time her heart rose in her chest. Maybe this time it would be Chloe. But every time it was Jesse _we can work through this_ or _I love you_ or _we can go more slowly_ or _whatever you're going through I can help you get past it_ or _please let's just talk._

Eventually she couldn't take it anymore and shut off her phone.

* * *

Beca didn't see or hear from Chloe for the next few days. She didn't respond to Beca's text, and Beca was too scared to send another. She didn't go to the party Stacie had invited all of the Bellas to. Beca saw Aubrey several times, but Chloe was never with her. When Beca asked about her, Aubrey wouldn't meet her eyes. She would stumble over some explanation about Chloe having a lot of work or not feeling well and then find some excuse to leave.

Beca couldn't take it anymore. She had done it. She had broken up with Jesse. Why was Chloe still avoiding her?

It was the middle of the day. Aubrey and Chloe would usually be eating lunch in the café at this time, but as Beca hadn't seen Chloe in the café lately, she figured her dorm room was worth a try.

She knocked _this is stupid I shouldn't even _and then she knocked again. She heard shuffling from inside and waited, fidgeting and trying to think of the right thing to say.

Chloe opened the door and they stared at each other, both speechless, both breathless. Chloe broke the silence.

"What is it, Beca?" Her voice was weak.

"I broke up with –"

"I know. I got your text."

Beca could feel her heart beating faster and faster. It was those blue eyes, looking at her so intently. It was hearing Chloe's voice again. Sure her voice wasn't full of warmth, but it also wasn't harsh.

"So…you came here to…?"

"I just wanted to make sure you knew."

Chloe narrowed her eyes a bit. "Did you think you could just come to me the minute you were done with Jesse? What am I, his understudy?"

"I broke up with him for you."

"Not for yourself?"

"I mean, yeah for myself."

"Beca, listen, maybe you do feel something for me, but clearly I don't mean _that_ much to you."

"But you said –"

"I know. I know. The thing is… Look, I put myself out there. A lot. I come off too strong or I step over boundaries or – well, you know how I am. I forget to put up my guard. But that means I get hurt. A lot. I get shut down by Aubrey, even though she doesn't mean to do it. Guys leave me for someone hotter, someone more popular. It's what I get for opening up too much. And this time I think I took it too far. I let myself think that you could be there for me in a way that you weren't ready to be, and that was my mistake."

"But I'm ready now. Chloe, please just listen. I'm ready now."

Chloe shook her head slightly. "I care too much." Her lower lip began to tremble. "I care too much and – don't you understand, Beca? If I don't put up my guard around you, I'll just let myself go. You can hurt me more than anyone else can and I can't let myself believe that you feel as much for me as I feel for you when you don't. I can't let myself be exposed like that, not when you can hurt me so easily and so deeply. I'm sorry, Beca. I don't think I can do this."

"But everything you said…"

"I thought I could do this. But giving you control over my heart has been…I can't take it anymore. There's less than a month until I graduate, and I just want to make it in one piece."

Beca found herself wiping at her eyes. Was she crying? Was she falling apart? "Chloe, please. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I chose Jesse over you. I'm sorry for what I put you through. Chloe, I'm…"

"I'm sorry, Beca. I'm not as strong as I thought I was."

"But –"

"I need more than you telling me that you feel comfortable or happy around me. I love you, Beca. But I can't do this if you don't feel the same way. From what you've said – Beca, it's okay if you just want to be friends. I'm not going to force you to feel something you don't."

"But I do."

"You do?" The desperate hope in Chloe's voice was painful. "What...what do you feel?"

Beca opened her mouth to say something, to tell her everything, but her chest tightened and the words got stuck in her throat. Why couldn't she just –

Chloe's face fell at Beca's silence.

"I'm in love with you, Chloe," Beca whispered to the door that Chloe had closed slowly and regretfully in Beca's face.

Beca thought she could hear muffled sobs through the door.

_But I'm in love with you, Chloe._


	5. Chapter 5

**Author's Note: So...I kind of finished chapter 4 and then school and life happened and chapter 5 didn't. I apologize for the wait. I hope this makes up for it. I think this might be the end of this story. I don't seem to be good at doing chapter updates, so I think I'll stick to one shots from now on.**

**To everyone who has read this story and followed it/favorited it/commented on it/spied on it from a distance, thank you so much. I truly am so grateful. It really means a lot to me, and I'm sorry if I let you down.**

* * *

"What did I do wrong, Aubrey?"

"Beca, I really don't want to talk about this right now."

"No. Come on. She must have said something to you. What did I do?"

"Jesus, Beca, you're not even wearing gym clothes, did you just come here to bombard me with questions?"

Aubrey shot her a look, a bead of sweat rolling down the side of her face. The whirring of her treadmill and the ones to the right and left of her filled Beca's mouth until Beca found her next words.

"I – well – I knew you would be here and... I just wanted to…"

"You're coming off desperate."

"What? No way."

"You followed me to the gym to ask if Chloe said anything to me about you?"

"And?"

Aubrey rolled her eyes and slowed her treadmill down to a walking speed. "Listen, Beca, I don't know what happened between the two of you, but she hasn't said anything. I'm sorry."

Beca looked down. It had only been a few days since she had gone to Chloe, but she must have said something. To someone. Right? She must have told someone how she felt? Chloe did that, right?

"Aubrey, could you…"

"What?" Beca hated the pity in her voice. "What, Beca? What do you want me to do?"

"Nothing. If she didn't say anything, that must mean… It's fine. Nevermind. I'm sorry I bothered you."

Beca turned and walked away before Aubrey could say _I don't know if this is relevant, but Chloe did tell me she made a mistake, she said she messed up something, she said she could have had it all_. Beca didn't turn back, she didn't hear Aubrey's gasp of realization that having it all could have just meant having Beca, she just kept walking through the sea of treadmills and still bikes, a sea of people moving so fast and never going anywhere.

XXX

Beca tried to pretend that it was fine. It was fine. Everything was fine. Everything was definitely fine. She went to her classes _it was fine_ and raised her eyebrows at the off-color jokes Amy made _it was fine _and leaned in closer to Lily only to catch "– of old people in hospitals" _it was fine _and faked polite smiles to Kimmy Jin _it was fine _and never managed to catch Chloe's eyes _it was fine_ and didn't talk to Chloe _it was fine _and she wasn't with Chloe _it was fine_ and Chloe never – but it was fine. Everything was fine.

A week passed of everything being _fine_. Then, on a Thursday morning, Beca found herself late to class, which wouldn't be such a big deal if this hadn't been the day of their last test before the final exam. She had practically run to the shower and then back to her room, not bothering to dry her hair. It hung, slightly tangled and dripping wet, as she pulled on jeans and the first shirt she could find. She grabbed her bag and rushed out the door, almost forgetting her keys. In the corner of her vision, she could see the smug amusement in Kimmy Jin's raised eyebrows.

Barely looking where she was going, she stopped herself just before bumping into someone going into the shower room. Muttering a "sorry," she kept going, but something in the air pulled on her. She turned back, and while her feet kept moving her face was caught. Her eyes were caught in the other pair of eyes looking at her. They were looking at her like _how are you in this hallway _and _how are you just here _and _how could you have been the one to almost bump into me _and _god Beca why do you make it so hard to move._ The face and the body with the eyes that had caught Beca's were still were still were still and then, as if the earth had stopped and then pushed itself to start turning again, the face and the body and those eyes moved. Beca had stopped by then, having almost bumped into someone else, and watched as Chloe turned and went into the shower room.

The fake-fineness came crashing down around Beca and she knew what she had to do. She rushed back to her room and, without even bothering to try to hide herself, she stripped down and wrapped her still damp towel around herself.

"Beca, you _just _–"

"Not now, Kimmy."

And with that, Beca was back out the door, her mind racing. She knew what she was doing, and yet her stomach twisted and turned and her head felt so light.

She stood in the center of the shower room, her peers shuffling around her. _Why are there so many people here_. She closed her eyes. She took in a deep breath and _oh god Chloe please be here please make this worth it _she dropped her towel. She could hear the snickers around her, the murmurs and mutters, she could hear the strange looks.

Another deep breath.

_Her eyes, her eyes make the stars look like they're not shining_

Her voice felt so empty and alone. She shivered. This was stupid, she was stupid to think that – but she continued.

_Her hair, her hair falls perfectly without her trying_

She opened her eyes. The other people in the shower room were staring at her, and muffled laughter filled the corners of the room. This was too humiliating, she couldn't believe that she had thought this would work. She could feel herself turning red, but then she saw her. Peering out from behind a shower curtain.

_She's so beautiful_

Beca's voice was strong now, drowning out the reactions of the people who had stopped what they were doing to watch her.

_And I tell her everyday_

Chloe stared at her, a timid question in her eyes. Beca couldn't help but smile.

_I know, I know when I compliment her she won't believe me_

Beca began walking to Chloe's shower, leaving her towel on the floor where she had dropped it.

_It's so, it's so sad that she don't see –_

Chloe's voice joined Beca's.

_It's only just a dream_

"Chloe?" It was quiet, a whisper underneath the music that still echoed in their ears.

"Yeah?"

"I'm sorry – I'm sorry I didn't – "

Chloe pushed her shower curtain aside and kissed her, holding her face, holding her hair, holding her.

"Beca?"

"Yeah?"

"You're naked. You just sang in front of all these people. Naked."

"I know." She laughed a little. "I know."

She turned around to see the small crowd that had formed and breathed a small _oh god._

"Beca?"

Beca turned back.

"Thank you."

The tile walls of the shower room warmed at the sight of two girls holding each other, kissing each other.

The small crowd began to cheer.


End file.
